


In Case You Change Your Mind

by babytobin_horse



Series: Nightingale [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 04:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/961559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/babytobin_horse/pseuds/babytobin_horse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tobin's been in France for months now. How's Alex holding up?</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Case You Change Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> second part of Nightingale series. Inspired by Demi Lovato's song. Listen if you feel like it will help.  
> http://worldd-of-chancess.tumblr.com/post/52778142888

Months had passed since Alex had woken up that morning to find Tobin’s presence missing permanently. She had transformed in those few months. She focused everything she had into soccer, more than she did before. Her passion for the sport was obvious, but her passion for anything else was lacking. She busied herself with endorsements and any work she could when she wasn’t training or playing. The happy, upbeat forward has transformed into someone who rarely had a smile on her face. The raspy laugh her teammates, friends and family were so familiar with had long since disappeared. The most they could get out of her was a ghost of a smile, but that never happened. She put on a smile when she was in front of cameras, but as soon as those cameras were gone, that fake façade left as well. She went through a cycle of sleepless nights, wishing  _she_  was there to hold her. To suffice, she would wear the stray items of clothing Tobin had left. There were moments were she’d think of Tobin, and how she would react to certain situations. She still stayed up and watched her play when she could. Without Tobin, Alex was a ghost. She didn’t hang out with people much aside from when she had to. The young woman had even lost some weight, though she still maintained her health somehow. She seemed pale and her usually animated blue eyes lacked their spark. They seemed dull now, like there was nothing worth seeing now that her other half was gone.

Her teammate Kelley O’Hara was finally able to drag her out of her house and out to coffee at a local café. Alex only agreed because Kelley wouldn’t stop pestering her. She had pulled on some old skinny jeans, t-shirt and pulled on a UNC hoodie that Tobin had left behind. She couldn’t help it. The ocean scent was long gone, but Alex still felt comfort in wearing it. If she closed her eyes she could imagine the warmth she felt was Tobin holding her like she used to.

Kelley noticed the hoodie immediately, but didn’t comment on it due to better judgment. She took a long sip of her coffee as the two sat inside the café, with Alex staring out the window and Kelley watching her teammate and good friend. How did she become so…ghostly? Could love really do this? “Alex, it’s been months,” she said quietly, hoping to get a real conversation out of the girl.

“I know,” she replied, the rasp in her voice more prominent than it used to be. “I know it’s been months.”

“Shouldn’t you try to move on?” Kelley suggested. She hoped she hadn’t pushed it too soon. She didn’t need Alex to be mad at her. Alex needed her right now, just like she’s needed her and everyone supporting her for months.

Alex took a sip of her coffee before she replied, “I can’t. She’s all I want and need.”

Kelley sighed, feeling sympathy for her friend who couldn’t let go. “But she’s happy in France, Al. You know she is.”

“Yeah, I do,” she spat out, making it sound too bitter. “I know because she hasn’t come home yet.”

Kelley frowned slightly, not sure what it would take for Alex to snap out of her zombie trance. “You should get out there, you know? Date someone new.” Alex simply shook her head as she gaze went to the window once again. “We’ve noticed your change,” she pressed on, trying to get somewhere with the girl who used to laugh and smile because it was natural. “It hasn’t been for the better. You need to eat more. You need to stop working so much. You need to let Tobin go.”

At this, Alex did her best to stop tears from forming. She was well aware of her change. But to move on? She closed her eyes, remembering the writing scribbled onto the note.  _I love you. Please don’t forget that._ “She still loves me,” she whispered, her eyes still closed. “Tobin still loves me.”

“She may still love you, but this situation doesn’t help. You can’t stay like this forever, Alex. You really can’t.”

“We’ve been through so much, why stop now?” Alex shot back, her eyes opening and looking at Kelley. It still scared her how Alex cold look at her with an emotionless expression day in and day out. Her eyes were so dull, she just wanted them to come back to life.

“Alex, please, just move on,” Kelley begged, realizing Alex still hadn’t budged at all. “She’s happy in Paris, and it’s unfair that you’re here in Portland unhappy. She wants you to be happy, why can’t you try, for her?”

When Alex didn’t reply, Kelley took out her phone and slid it over to Alex, showing her a picture. It was a picture of Tobin and a few friends, out clubbing. Tobin had her signature grin on her face as she looked to one of her friends who was in mid-laugh. “She’s out with friends, having fun. Why can’t you?”

 _Because she could come back!_  Alex wanted to scream at her.  _Because she could change her mind and come home_. Instead, she looked away from the phone and shrugged.

Kelley let out an exasperated sigh. “I tried, Alex. The whole team’s tried. We’ve all been trying since Tobin left. We want you to come back to who you were, but obviously you don’t want to put in the effort.” She took her phone, slipping it back into her pocket once again.

“There’s only one way for me to be who I was,” Alex whispered. She didn’t have to say the rest of the sentence for Kelley to understand.

“Bullshit,” Kelley muttered. “You can’t let yourself depend on someone else. You aren’t a co-dependent person, Alex. You’re independent. It’s time for you to wake up and realize that.” She finished off her coffee and stood, signaling that she was going to leave. “When you get a wake-up call, let me know. I’m tired of trying to help you when you obviously don’t want my help.”

Alex didn’t stop her friend, though she wanted to. She just watched Kelley walk out of the café and to her car without looking back once. She let out a sigh, getting up herself and tossing her empty coffee cup into the trash. She needed a run, so she took her headphones out and plugged them into her phone before leaving the café and then breaking out into a jog.

—

“Bonjour Kel!” Tobin greeted, laughing over skype.

“Hey Tobs,” Kelley managed to smile at the camera. “How was your training today?

“Great,” Tobin grinned. “I feel so in shape it’s insane.”

“That’s awesome!” she replied.

After a few minutes of small talk, Tobin asked, “Hey…how is she?”

Kelley sighed. “She’s not getting any better. If anything, she’s getting more pale and thin. I tried talking to her today but she doesn’t want to listen.”

The tan midfielder sighed, her heart aching to comfort Alex, but she knew she couldn’t. “I want her to be happy. I’m happy here, she should be happy there.”

“I tried,” Kelley told her friend apologetically. “I really did. She’s being her stubborn self.”

“That’s my ‘Lex,” Tobin smiled sadly. “But she’s also a fighter. She’ll get through this.”  _Hopefully_ , Tobin thought desperately.

—

Alex got home realizing she still had awhile before her Nike photo shoot.  She took a hot shower and changed into sweatpants and pulled on an old t-shirt Tobin had left behind. She reached into her drawer, digging through miscellaneous items until she found what she was looking for. It was torn and faded (due to the one time she accidentally left it in her pocket when she dropped her pants into the laundry), but the picture was still visible. She bit her lip, willing herself not cry. It was her and Tobin after the 2012 Olympics. They were both wearing their gold medals and their hair was down. Alex was in a plain white shirt while Tobin was wearing a white graphic tank top with her black bra strap showing. Alex’s arm was slung around Tobin tightly and Tobin’s hand was snug around Alex’s waist. Oh, how she wished she could have Tobin’s arm around her again. They both wore big smiles in the picture, the joy of winning the gold metal still not washed over. It was Alex’s favorite because they had both been so happy and hadn’t quite fallen in love yet, but their bond was already stronger than most.

After staring at the picture for a few moments, Alex began to walk around the house, looking for other things Tobin had left behind. She found too many articles of clothing, books, a skateboard, and a couple more pictures. She knew she should throw these things away or give them away, but she couldn’t. She held onto them so she wouldn’t forget. She kept them because she still hoped a little that Tobin would come home. She secretly hoped Tobin would be unhappy in France and decide to get rid of her contract and come back home to her. She’d had dreams about it and woke up brokenhearted when she realized Tobin was in fact still in France. These items tied her back to Tobin, reminding her that Tobin would come home one day, hopefully. She kept them in case. They were her helping her hold on.

“I miss you,” she whispered.


End file.
